We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Facing Ourselves with Courage and Honesty
Introduction
Step Four is often seen as one of the most challenging steps in recovery, but also one of the most transformative. It invites us to examine ourselves with courage, honesty, and an open mind. This step is about self-discovery, uncovering patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour that have shaped our addiction and relationships. It requires us to be both searching, digging deep into our past and present, and fearless, confronting what we might usually avoid.
Purpose of Step Four
The purpose of Step Four is to shed light on the causes and conditions of our struggles. Addiction thrives in secrecy, denial, and avoidance, so this step serves to bring clarity and awareness. It is not about self-condemnation but about understanding ourselves better to make room for healing and change.
Conducting a Searching Inventory
The “searching” aspect of Step Four means looking at all areas of life— resentments, fears, relationships, and behaviours. We explore not only how others have harmed us but also the harm we have caused. This step helps us see patterns in our actions and attitudes, especially those that have blocked us from growth and connection.
Overcoming Fear.
Fear is a natural response to the self-examination required in Step Four, but it is not insurmountable. Facing our truths, however uncomfortable, is an act of courage and self-respect. By writing our inventory, we give ourselves the opportunity to name what we fear and begin to disempower it.
Exploring Resentments.
Resentments are a significant focus of Step Four, as they often fuel addiction. Writing down who or what we resent and why, as well as how it affects us, helps us to see the impact of holding onto these feelings. The goal is not to dwell in negativity but to understand and release these burdens.
Examining Fears. Addiction and fear are often deeply connected.
Step Four helps us identify the fears that have driven our actions or paralysed us. Recognising these fears is the first step to addressing them, allowing us to live with greater confidence and freedom.
Acknowledging Harm Done
Step Four also asks us to examine harm we have done to others, particularly in relationships. This is not about self-shaming but about taking responsibility. By acknowledging these actions, we prepare ourselves for future steps where we make amends. The Role of the Kindr Fellowship The Kindr Fellowship provides vital support in Step Four. Hearing others share their experiences with this step helps us feel less alone and more capable of confronting our truths. Fellowship members can also offer guidance, encouragement, and examples of how to approach the inventory process.
Reflection Questions
- What resentments are you carrying, and how have they affected your life?
- What fears influence your decisions or behaviours?
- How have you harmed others, intentionally or unintentionally?
- What patterns do you notice in your relationships and choices?
Conclusion
Step Four is a profound act of self-honesty and courage. By taking a searching and fearless moral inventory, we uncover the roots of our struggles and begin to dismantle them. For GBTQ+ individuals, this step is an opportunity to affirm self-worth by facing internalised shame, societal pressures, and personal wounds with honesty and compassion. Through this process, we set the stage for healing, accountability, and freedom.