Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
The Healing Power of Amends Step
Nine is where the preparation of Step Eight becomes action. We take responsibility for our past actions by making direct amends to those we’ve harmed. This step is about more than saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about taking ownership of our behaviour and actively working to repair the damage we’ve caused, wherever possible.
Making amends can take many forms, depending on the situation. Sometimes it involves a heartfelt apology; other times, it may require restoring something we’ve taken, rebuilding trust, or addressing a financial or emotional harm. Each situation is unique, and we approach this step thoughtfully and with guidance from a sponsor or trusted mentor.
The phrase “wherever possible” acknowledges that making amends is not always feasible or appropriate. If reaching out would cause further harm—to the other person, ourselves, or others—we do not proceed. Step Nine is about healing, not creating new wounds.
For GBTQ+ men, this step can bring unique opportunities for growth. It may involve addressing strained family relationships, resolving conflicts within our community, or apologising to those we’ve hurt while navigating our own journey of self-acceptance. Step Nine encourages us to approach these amends with authenticity and compassion, both for others and ourselves.
Fear is a common barrier in this step. We may fear rejection, confrontation, or reopening old wounds. But Step Nine reminds us that we are not seeking to control the outcome; we are simply doing our part to take responsibility and to contribute to healing.
Questions for reflection in Step Nine include:
- How can you make amends in a way that is meaningful and appropriate?
- Are there any amends you are reluctant to make? What is holding you back?
- How do you feel about the process of making amends?
The spiritual principles of courage, humility, and accountability guide us through this step. By making amends, we free ourselves from the burden of guilt and regret. We also create the possibility of healing relationships and finding peace, regardless of how others respond.