Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
The Path to Reconciliation
Step Eight is about preparing for the healing process between ourselves and those we have harmed. By this point in recovery, we’ve done significant internal work—acknowledging our faults, taking responsibility, and seeking guidance from a Higher Power. Now, we turn outward, taking the first steps to repair the damage caused by our past behaviours.
Making a list of those we’ve harmed can feel daunting. It requires honesty and courage to face the pain we’ve caused others. The harms may include lies told, relationships damaged, trust broken, or selfish actions that caused others to suffer. In creating this list, we do not dwell on our guilt or shame but rather aim for clarity and accountability.
Step Eight also asks us to become willing to make amends. This willingness is key, as it sets the stage for genuine reconciliation. It’s not about rushing to apologise or seeking forgiveness for our own relief. Instead, it’s about being ready to take responsibility and to mend what can be repaired.
For GBTQ+ individuals, this step can involve unique challenges. We may have hurt others while coping with our own struggles, or we may need to address conflicts related to identity and acceptance. Step Eight invites us to approach these situations with honesty and humility, while also recognising where we may need to forgive ourselves.
It’s important to note that Step Eight is about preparation, not action. We do not reach out to anyone yet; that will come in Step Nine. This step is about identifying who we have harmed and reflecting on the nature of those harms.
Questions for reflection in Step Eight include:
- Who have you harmed through your actions, words, or attitudes?
- What specific harms have you caused, and how have they affected others?
- Are there any individuals you feel reluctant to make amends to? Why?
Step Eight is an exercise in courage and humility. By taking this step, we open the door to healing relationships and freeing ourselves from the weight of our past actions.